but he gives us more grace.

lent?

2011-03-09T09:42:00.003-06:00

I guess facebook is good for something, like reminding me it's ash Wednesday. So I clicked through to this worldvision site and was intrigued. so i signed up to receive the emails and see what this is about.

Lent in the Christian tradition, is the period of the liturgical year leading up to Easter. Lent is a time of sacrifice for Jesus. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer — through prayer, repentance, almsgiving and self-denial — for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

listening love.

2011-02-26T23:24:00.004-06:00

Tonight was really tough.

4 hours with a grieving widow of 2 weeks. i mean what can you say really.

I hadn't seen or talked to jill really in at least 3 or 4 years. I do remember we were super close in high school, and i saw glimpses of that girl i knew tonight-but not many. Then like people do, we lost touch, other than random facebook interactions. I knew he was sick, but when I found out how bad the cancer was I really wanted to be able to do something for her. But what can you do. I prayed, I wrote, I loved as best I knew how. My heart hurts so deeply for her, yet my mind just can't fathom the pain of that loss, or death at all.

I told sara tonight that I wished I was a better christian. I don't even really know what that means. It's not that God feels far away, it's that I don't feel him at all. Or maybe I'm not paying attention.

I want that to change.

We decided to send jill a blanket to let her know we were praying for her and thinking about her and loved her. It was an ordeal getting it. The first one I ordered wasn't in stock and it took a week to get in touch with the company to find that out. So I finally cancelled that order and got this other one shipped to my house so I could write in a card and add that in there. I got it mailed on saturday before he died on sunday. Tonight she told me that the first night she went back home to their apartment alone that it was there waiting for her. Now I know that was a God thing, it made it there in a moment that she needed to feel that love.

I was supposed to be working this weekend, and it was going to be stressful because im a baby shower hostess on sunday. So friday I was half way to camp when I got a message that the group canceled. I was pretty ticked at the time. Now I know that I was supposed to be there with jill tonight, and not at work. Even when I don't trust and seek God like I should, He is still in control. And though this was a painful and emotionally exhausting way to be reminded of that, I am thankful for it. God is in control.

I mostly listened, which helps. But I pray that whatever I said was a witness to God's love. Listen and cry, cry and listen. and love.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I got to take maternity pictures for my friend on thursday. I didn't really want to do it, but I'm glad I did, I think they turned out really well.

2011-02-22T22:53:00.002-06:00

Since becoming my grandmother's chauffeur in November I have taken her to the eye doctor approximately 82 bazillion times. Hopefully the eye doc trips will culminate next week, she's having cataract surgery! And maybe, just maybe he'll tell her she can drive again. At least the 7 miles to town to get her hair done and what not. Ah, wishful thinking.

So 6 hours later I got her home, and proceeded on the get her prescriptions. I luckily talked her out of going, had to just tell her I could do it so much faster if I just picked it up for her while I was at walmart. So I rushed there and back so I could make it home to run.

Yep, been running again. This time I am doing cool running's couch 2 5k, this is week 5! And I just have to say tonight it really actually felt great. The sun was setting and it was about 60 degrees. My pace was about a minute faster than last week, which felt better than going slower, weird. Felt not only like I could keep going after 2.25 miles, but that I wanted to. I did stop, since it was totally dark out. Can't wait till I am up to running 5k without walking any.

I did get quite a bit of crocheting in today in the waiting room at the eye doc. Boy if you want to be the talk of the room, work on a baby blanket in the office with a bunch of cataract surgery patients. It's down to the wire to get Shelly's blanket done, Sunday is the shower. I will be glad once it's over, and hopefully a success.

Oh and I bought a new scale. It weighs me 1/2 pound less than the other one, so I like it already.

let's try this again!

2011-02-21T22:12:00.002-06:00

time to dust off the blog.

i am running again, eating healthy again and losing weight, and crocheting a lot.

that's all for now, i'm busy googling my name and getting thouroughly creeped out by all the information out there.

4.2

2010-04-17T18:09:00.002-05:00

4.2 what's that? How far a ran today that's what! My legs are like jello, that was hard work. If the schedule hadn't told me to run that long (run-5/walk-1, NINE times) I would have totally called it quits much sooner, like when my legs started to hate me around 2.5 miles. The leg pain didn't last too long, but my hips started really hurting working on that 4th mile.

So I'm feeling pretty good about myself. And it was the absolute perfect weather to run that long today, overcast and breezy 70ish degrees. I did some yoga-ish stretching in the front yard which felt good for my aching hips, but now I'm all itchy, oops.

The pounds are still slowly melting away, which feels really good. I've never lost weight before, intentionally anyway. When I ran groups at camp each summer I'd drop around ten pounds, and that was just from physical exertion, we ate like crap. But now I am eating much healthier than I probably ever have, and I think I like it. I can really tell the difference the next day after I don't eat so well (usually involves alcohol). I'm not counting anything, just eating more fruit and veggies and whole grains than processed food, which is pretty easy. There are foods that I used to think I didn't like, that now are really appetizing, like black beans and red bell pepper.

Today I tried on some clothes that I had stopped wearing a good while ago, in an effort to look less like sausage, good thing I'm a pack rat. So I got a nice boost when several pairs of pants that previously may or may not have fastened, zipped with ease. Even a pair of pants from hollister (that I'm sure haven't fit in 4 or 5 years, I stopped trying them on long ago, but kept them for sentimental reasons), buttoned. Oh, and a dress I bought at the thrift store a couple years ago, (solely because it was brand new with the tag still on and not because it fit) and has not ever zipped all the way up, zipped all the way up today. Those are some nice run on sentences there.

So yay for running far, and yay for clothes that were too small fitting.

I also hit up hobby lobby today to use my gift card from Christmas. I bought yarn to crochet a purse I've been eying, and stuff to make a feather headband. So that will give me a project for when I'm at my sister's keeping baby Avery, starting Monday.

pain

2010-04-11T22:37:00.005-05:00

I almost gave up on running Saturday. The training schedule told me I was going to run5/walk1 EIGHT times. I calculated in my head that at the pace I run that would be over 3 miles, I also calculated that death or paralysis would soon follow. So far the greatest distance my feet have withstood is a smidge over 2.5 miles.

But I put my shoes on and went outside, I decided to just take it a 5 minutes leg at a time, knowing I can do that at least 5 times, and then I'd add another, just focusing at one leg at a time. My legs were killing me at the end of the first 5 minutes, they felt tight like just before you feel a cramp coming on. They did that the day before too, and pushed through it and they started to feel better.

I made sure to start slow, which sucks, running slow is not fun. But I knew that if I wanted to make it past 2 miles I had to. I run (it's really barely a jog, but for me that's running) so slow that my breathing is fairly easy, no gasping or anything. The past week though, my legs have really started hurting and getting tired rather quickly.

The sixth leg of my run was completed (the most I'd run previously) and I didn't think I could handle much more, it was hot ( it was 1:30 and I don't do well in the hottness) and I felt like I was gonna puke and my legs were going to fall off. So I decided just one more leg of running (so 7 not 8), and if I picked up the pace I could make it the nearly half a mile back around to bring the total to 3 miles.

So that's what I did. I am happy with my 3 miles, closer to 3.1 actually. However, a half marathon seems abundantly impossible and absurd after suffering through those 3 miles. Five minutes at a time, one run at a time, one week at a time and I'm hoping to make it through pre-training and onto half-marathon training.

After my longest run (of my entire life mind you) I went to my sweet nieces 4th birthday party at the jumpy place. I stared climbing up to the top of the big slide with my nephew not certain I'd make it. Almost in tears my legs were so sore. He loved it, and so the process repeated for next 45 minutes. Pain.

stars and pollen

2010-04-05T22:05:00.003-05:00

Tonight I ran 2.3 miles at 8:30. I think I like running at night. Well, once I get past still being a wee bit scared of the dark. I wish I didn't have to run with my headlamp, it makes me notice the pollen flying through the air instead of the stars. But I would rather not break my ankle by stepping in a pot hole, so I'll keep the headlamp.

I am at about a 13 minute mile pace I think. I am up to running 5 minutes and walking one, did not think I'd get to that when I started running 2 minutes and nearly died. I can keep my breathing nice and easy and controlled till the last leg of the run, but my legs get tired by the 2nd or 3rd. I'm at my peak of good running feelings by about the 4th leg, it gives me a little spurt of energy that i always notice.

Wednesday will mark 3 weeks of this running training, woohoo! I run with my kitchen timer clipped at the collar of my shirt, and I pretty much just think about running and breathing while I run. If I start getting real tired I count my steps till the timer goes off, I try not to look at it to see how much time is left. I try to think about other things, deep things, pondering life and God and feelings; but then I remember I'm running about 3 seconds later. Maybe one day I 'll be able to run without constantly thinking about it. I don't run with music, I'm not sure if I would enjoy it or not, I like quietness a lot.

So for now running is good. I don't hate it. I want to stick with it.

Oh, so Easter came and went. I went to Church of the Highlands on Saturday, which was a nice change of pace. We sang In Christ Alone, which is one of my favorites. I chopped fruit and veggies all morning Sunday for lunch with the fam. Which was planned pretty last minute, but worked out fine, everyone liked what I made, gorgeous weather to play outside at Grandmother's house. It was funny seeing my nieces and nephews playing with the toys that my sisters and brother and I played with when we were their exact size.

Easter also marked the end of my 40 days of water, I drank sweet tea for the first time since February 16th, wowzers. I am glad I did it. I wish I wasn't broke, but I am going to figure out how much and when to donate to blood water mission soon. I am gonna stick with drinking mostly water, especially now that I'm running, and seem to have overcome the addiction to diet mountain dew that has held me in it's grips for around 20 years.

Healthy eating Rebecca is still doing well, I've eaten fruit and veggies and whole grains everyday for 2 weeks maybe. Non-healthy eating Rebecca only ate vegetables once a month at most. I also got some adult gummy one-a-day vitamins, pretty excited about that, I wish we had those when I was a kid, hated the chewable flintstones ones.

All in all life is feeling much healthier these days. I haven't felt this in quite sometime. My sister gave me a short little book to read, Hedge of Thorns, I totally cried reading it, it was really good, a message I really needed to hear. And it was a story (a true one, at that) I love stories.

yum

2010-04-01T16:45:00.002-05:00

Today was my mom's birthday, so I made her red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing and toasted pecans! yum-o! the cake batter totally stains.

Yesterday was my dad's birthday, I made him chocolate chip cookies. which weren't the best ever, I've never been great at cookie making.

I am still on track with my running, I ran last night at 8:30 with my headlamp on, it actually was kind of nice. I'll be up to intervals of running 5 minutes and walking 1 minute on Saturday. Last Sunday I did a bunch of crunches, and on Monday, I thought I was dying...I have never been in that much pain, it was terrible.

so I remember

2010-03-27T20:04:00.003-05:00

For dinner I made Whole wheat pasta with chicken, zucchini, sweet potato and broccoli in a creamy pesto sauce. It was pretty good, little spicy.

cook 1 cup of whole wheat pasta
heat 1 Tbsp olive oil with couple cloves of garlic, some pesto sauce mix, and red pepper flakes
cook chopped up chicken breast in oil
add finely sliced veggies, 1/8 cup water put a lid on it
add couple spoonfuls of reduced fat cream cheese, 1/8 cup 1% milk, and more pesto sauce mix
simmer with lid on for a while and give it a stir until all the cream cheese is melted

feeling good.

2010-03-27T12:24:00.004-05:00

So far, so good. Since starting my pre-training on the 17th I have been faithful to the running plan. I am able to pick up my pace a bit more, but I may be going to fast still. You are supposed to be able to hold a conversation all throughout the run, which I doubt I could do. You are also supposed to focus more on the time and not the distance, which I do, but I also am aware of the distance. I don't want to burn myself out, so maybe I will slow down a bit and not worry so much about the over 2 miles I can run in less than 30 minutes! I am going to find a 5k to run the first of May, when the pre-training ends.

I have also changed my eating. There was a list of stuff at runner's world of good food for runners, so I wrote down the suggestions and took that list with me to buy groceries. That was on Wednesday, and so far so good. I have lost about 3.5 lbs since March 18th. And I am still drinking my water, over 64 ounces most days. I didn't even have the urge to walk down the coke aisle at walmart!

I have substituted vegetables and fruit for potato chips (I am a salty snack kind of gal). Also I have begun eating breakfast everyday, with fiber and protein. And 100% whole grain stuff. I forgot how awesome my magic bullet is at making smoothies, yum. I found out that if I pop some broccoli into the microwave with a bit of water, then sprinkle it with some parmesan cheese, it's surprisingly good. Oh and I made a really yummy black bean dip, I just heated up a cup-ish of beans in my magic bullet and added a couple spoonfuls of cream cheese, blended until creamy, and voila. I put it on a wrap, dipped veggies in it, and added it to my spinach salad. Also good, were the sweet potato crisps, I got the recipe from that runner's world article.

I have never actually tried to lose weight before, which is probably why I haven't. I have been up and down between the same two sizes for close to 8 years or more I guess. But lately I have been leaning closer to going up a size permanently. Let's face it, I love cheesecake and chips. I do not see the appeal of counting when it comes to food, points or calories or grams of this and that, so I am just going to start out with my substitutions; whole, natural foods instead of processed and fried food. I will keep drinking water (which I NEVER thought was possible), and stay on my running plan (which again, I never thought was possible). And I will see where that takes me, hopefully it will take me to finishing a half marathon in October.

The running plan and the new food has really helped with my depression. Even though it does get lonely sometimes, the blocking/deleting of a toxic relationship has helped too. I dream about running now, weird. I appreciate the weather more, since I actually go out in it. Overall I think goals, accomplishments, and perseverance are going to be good things. Especially when I am going to be missing camp this summer.

I have been neglecting my crocheting, and watching more tv ( I was down to about 2 hours or less a day). But when I would crochet for hours, sometimes I would only eat one meal a day late in the afternoon, which wasn't healthy. So I need to find the balance.

Time to run.

brr.

2010-03-22T13:36:00.002-05:00

Today will be my first cold and rainy running day...not thrilled about that.

But I am thrilled about the 20 dollars I just found in an old pair of shorts!

"give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."1 Thessalonians 5:18

***
Well, I did it. 38 degree rain and 2 miles never felt so good.

I have big feet

2010-03-21T15:45:00.003-05:00

I got running shoes yesterday...expensive ones. I felt guilty because mom was paying. But she is always pleased to provide things for me, whether they are needs or wants, and make me happy. I think her love language is gifts. When I told her I want to train to run a marathon, (or maybe just half) she was not supportive at all, which didn't really surprise me, she hates running as much as I always have. I think I get my pessimistic demeanor from her. But yesterday we drove to huntsville to an awesome running store(who knew there were entire stores devoted to such a thing) and she bought me shoes and a super amazing sports bra and other running essentials.

While she still thinks running a marathon is stupid, she showed her support and love by providing me with things that will motivate me to follow though with the goal. So whether its slightly guilt driven or not, I am pretty excited about this running thing. But I sure am glad today is a "rest" day on the pre-training program since it's cold and rainy.

overwhelmed

2010-03-18T23:59:00.002-05:00

and Jesus said to her, "neither do i condemn you; go and sin no more."

Grace is a powerful, beautiful, comforting, heart-wrenching, and mysterious thing. and when I forget that or take it for granted then I begin to stop fearing the Lord.

"what shall we say, then? shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? by no means! we died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? ..."

It's odd to feel a little bit more complete, a little more whole once you get rid of something crippling from your life...even if it's just a number deleted and blocked from your phone.

I think that's what's amazing about grace to me right now. The grace has always been there, the same size. But I have been steadily hiding, burying, covering it up with lots of things over the years, and especially in the past 13ish months. As I begin spring cleaning this heart of mine out, I don't feel as empty and bare as I thought I would. I feel a little more filled up, overwhelmed by grace.

butt sweat.

2010-03-17T17:08:00.000-05:00

I have done about two things on the goal list I made in January. But I'm glad I've done that.

I suffer from a severe lack of motivation, generally in all things. And so I have never had any sort of desire for this goal making business.

But I am now half way through with my 40 days of water, for blood water mission. All because for some reason I felt like I was supposed to start drinking water in January, something that I never did.

And my newest nephew, Avery, can be found wrapped snugly in his crocheted blanket that I lovingly and painstakingly poured over 50 hours into.

And today I ran. Shocking.

This was not on the list of goals I made...because frankly, I hate running. But I got an email from World Vision that said I could run a marathon and help kids in Africa. Not just that it's a possibility, but that I can do it. Now I don't know if I can run a marathon, and judging from today I'm quite certain I'll die, maybe drown from butt sweat... but never-the-less, I have started the pre-training. Which in 7 weeks "will help get this new runner on her feet 8 weeks before official training starts" (I started with week 2).

I don't really want to tell anyone, because you know, then I'd actually have to follow through with it or have an audience for my possible failure. But I do want to follow through with it. At least today I do. And for now that's good enough.

So one heavy, sweaty foot in front of the other and I'm on my way to motivation...and away from the apathy and depression that have plagued me.

coming back.

2010-02-27T07:48:00.000-06:00

I find it difficult to blog or journal when I'm diving deep in sin. Also reading my bible and talking to God becomes non-existent. It used to be because I knew I'd be convicted of said sin, but it has slowly morphed into fear of not be convicted.

In Romans 2 it says multiple times that God gave them over to their sin, that was a really frightening thing to hear... especially when I have felt so apathetic to life and God and sin lately. Over the past year my biggest sin struggles have just been getting easier and easier.

I like looking up the definitions of words sometimes. And one meaning of the word ecstasy is: A state of emotion so intense that one is carried beyond rational thought and self-control... When I'm feeling the ecstasy of the sin, I forget, if just for a moment, my feelings of worthlessness, my fears and failures, and my doubting apathetic heart. So even after heartbreak and tears and pain, I dive right back in, and only find it increasingly easier to go deeper each time.

I want to break the cycle.

I read two posts the other day at the exact moment I was forced to look at my sin in the light of day. here and here. I think they hit the proverbial nail on my big fat head.

drama sucks.

2010-01-17T18:33:00.000-06:00

Boo for church drama and politics.

But yay for the grace of God.

It is so hard not to take things personally, especially in the church. You expect church to be a safe place, a place of trust. But honestly I haven't felt that way about church in quite a while (hard to believe its been years now), and I know that it has adversely affected my relationship with God and his children.

For a long time I was just hurt, more than I thought I was. I kept those wounds covered only showing them later through anger and bitterness. I thought I had moved on, accepted the change, started going to a new church again. But I haven't plugged in anywhere, and I 'm sad to say I'm almost glad that I didn't now.

There are people hurting and confused, because they trusted and invested time into what they thought was safe. They are upset and passionate about their feelings toward the drama unfolding. These are Godly people having great difficulty finding peace and wisdom, filled now with confusion and hurt. The seeds of anger and bitterness have been planted in them, which become barriers to trust and love. And I hate that for them. I know that feeling of betrayal, it feels like what you once knew as true and solid is crumbling beneath you. That is a scary place.

But I feel nothing, I wish I did. I wish I was passionate about something again. But I didn't really realize until today how I have been building all these walls to protect myself-from the hurt that they are feeling right now. And while it appears to have worked, it's getting awfully lonely behind these walls. I want to trust. I want to love. I want to care. I want to be able to sow those things into a hurting people, to help carry their burdens. I want to live out what it says in Galatians 6. But sometimes I don't feel like I belong to a family of believers. I struggle so much with relationships and doubt and fear. So much so that I just feel useless, which leads to depression. This crazy cycle of emotions and lies that just keeps popping back up into my life over and over.

But this is the truth that I want to stand on now:

¹⁵If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. ¹⁶And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. ¹⁷In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. ¹⁸There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. ¹⁹We love because he first loved us.

2010-01-17T00:28:00.000-06:00

Today I stepped backwards off a step at the Parthenon replica in Nashville. It was painful, I broke a nail. And it was caught with my camera by the dude that offered to take our picture. The sort of thing I would laugh hysterically at, if I saw someone else do it.

haha anyway, fun times with good friends.

I'm not naked

2010-01-13T21:51:00.000-06:00

Well i made this headband today. It didn't turn out quite like I imagined, but headbands generally don't look that great on me anyway...so yeh This was the pattern. I stabbed holes in both thumbs sewing on those buttons, ouch, blood, ouch. So I think it's time to take a little break from the crochet.

I read the first 3 days of my one year bible (as I drank my nalgene of water). I didn't realize that Noah and the gang were on the ark for so long. I guess I just always heard the "rained for 40 days and nights" and assumed that was it. I guess I never really gave it much thought before. But they were on the boat for like a year, that's crazy. It was five months before the waters got below the highest mountain top. That's a dang lot of water. Makes me wonder, if I lived then would I have gotten on the ark... Man am I glad Jesus came and redeemed my soul...and that He gives me more grace.

Also I read in Genesis after Adam and Eve have eaten the fruit and are hiding and God asks “Who told you that you were naked?” and I remembered this post I read several months ago on SCL, so I went back and re-read it. I wept.
I don't know who told me I wasn't worth the effort, maybe it was me...but it's what I hear over and over when I'm lonely or depressed or lost in sin or somedays it's just when I look in the mirror.

I needed to hear this today, everyday really.

"But in response to what you are hearing from everyone else, God is still asking the question, “Who told you that you were naked?”

And He’s still asking us that question because we are not.

In Christ we are not worthless.

In Christ we are not hopeless.

In Christ we are not dumb or ugly or forgotten.

In Christ we are not naked.

Isaiah 61:10 it says:
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness.

The world may try to tell you a thousand different things today. You might close this post and hear a million declarations of what you are or who you’ll always be, but know this.

As unbelievable as it sounds and as much as I never expected to type this sentence on this blog:

You are not naked."

round and round

2010-01-12T19:24:00.001-06:00

well i am getting better at circles!

I didn't really intend for this to be a crochet blog, but that's sort of what it looks like. Oh well. I've been a crocheting machine, so far since I have made something everyday. On one girl's blog she said that an afternoon of crochet burns something like 500 calories, so there you go.

I've decided to add to my goal list, I want to drink at least one nalgene of water everyday. I know you're supposed to drink 2, but I'm gonna work my way up slowly, I hate water.

I still haven't started reading my one year bible. Stupid procrastination. Tonight's the night though. I did start listening to the Crazy Love audio book today, I didn't get very far in, it was too hard to listen and count my crochet stitches.

This post is kind of lame. Sometimes I feel kind of lame.

crochet fail.

2010-01-11T11:39:00.000-06:00

So maybe I should have just summed up my entire goal list by saying "don't be a quitter." Because that's what I am. I quit when things get hard or boring or unsatisfying. If things aren't going my way, I bail. And it's not just little stuff, like this stupid hat I worked on for hours to realize it was wrong; but the big stuff, like school and relationships and these things in life that people have called plans.

I don't want to be a quitter anymore.

I ripped the hat apart at the point I thought it was going in the wrong direction. I will now attempt to piece this ting back together, make it usable and wearable. I realize it's just a silly hat, but right now it represents so much more. Yesterday I jokingly said that I crochet to keep from crying, I was only partly joking. When I create things it helps heal my hurting and confused heart. It has alaways been that way for me. I watched the Carroll Duvall show on HGTV from childhood to high school. I bake things when I stressed. I go take photos when I'm looking for more beauty in my life. It's a process, and if I give up on crocheting this stupid hat, I feel like I'm giving up on me.

Thank God he can see the places in my life where I start to look like I'm going in the wrong direction. Just a few wrong turns that go un-checked, and it's 5 years later and I'm an un-wearable hat. But God can see those ugly places and He is showing them to me so together we can rip them out, and He can set me going in the right direction again. Back to a place where I am usable and beautifully restored.

*edit*
I finished it.
stupid auburn hat

Goal [gohl]–noun 1. the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end.

2010-01-10T20:03:00.000-06:00

I made this list of goals yesterday. I am typically not a goal making sort of gal, but I 've been feeling rather uninspired and flirting with depression again. So why not.

-take a photo everyday
-bake or cook something new once a week
-read my one year bible this year ( i have some catching up to do already)
-wake up everyday before 11 AM (which would be easier to do if i had a job)
-learn about social work
-send fun things in the mail to fun people
-stick with crocheting
-clean out my closet
-have a yard sale
-clean out the upstairs bedrooms
-start blogging or journaling again, consistently
-read a new book each month-ish (i'm a slow reader)
-go hiking once a week (maybe when it warms up a bit on sundays)
-write to Dorcas (my world vision kid) once a month
-go to bible study on wednesday nights
-drink at least one nalgene of water everyday

But he gives us more grace.

2010-01-10T08:46:00.000-06:00

"But he gives us more grace."James 4:6

A simple little sentence in a passage in James that I know
I've read several times; yet today, this sentence is BIG.
It was shouting at me from my email inbox this morning.
I feel like this one sentence sums up my past year's
relationship with God. So many stupid decisions, but he
gives more grace. Lots of me moments, selfishness at it's
finest,but he gives more grace. Falling to the same sin
over and over, but he gives more grace. Having an angry
and bitter heart towards my family and co workers, but he
gives more grace. Depressed and lonely yet too lazy to
change it, but he gives more grace. _________________ ,
but he gives more grace.

Oh I am so glad that he gives more grace. Even when deep
down I'm scared because I question and doubt....He gives
more grace. Because I need it.